Alumni Profile: Andy Lam and Sharon Tai on helping to fulfill each other’s dreams

Andy Lam (MD ’84, PGME Internal Medicine) and Sharon Tai (MD ’84, PGME Internal Medicine, PhD ’04 Pharmacology and Toxicology) met in their first year of the MD Program at the University of Toronto. Little did they know back then they would eventually marry and build their lives and careers together.

They have also built a legacy of philanthropy, most recently by establishing and endowing the Dr. Sharon Tai and Dr. Andy Lam Award (Meds 8T4) to support MD students at Temerty Medicine with financial need. This award will provide significant assistance to the next generation of physicians in perpetuity.

Andy talked to us about how he and Sharon (eventually) went from friends to romantic partners, what they’ve achieved together and the keys to their success.

How did you and Sharon meet?

In our first year of medical school, we were assigned to the same lab group along with four other students and were part of this group for the first two years. We both found med school to be a very competitive environment and felt a lot of pressure to succeed — especially Sharon because she was an international student, and there were very few spots for international students. We bonded over that, but we were always just fellow students struggling to make it to graduation.

Our relationship changed a little during fourth year, when we shifted from a more didactic education to hands-on training. It felt a little more relaxed during hospital rotations, and we had more time to get to know each other better.

We both pursued internal medicine at U of T after graduating from the MD Program and spent the first three years together in residency at the same hospitals. Still, our lives were so busy and stressful we weren’t focusing on anything other than our careers.

How did you discover you had romantic feelings for each other?

That didn’t happen until after I left U of T. After my third year of residency I transferred to Hamilton for specialized respirology training. Sharon also eventually left U of T and came to Hamilton for further training, although by then I had finished my training and had started my own practice in Grimsby. We were both away from our Toronto-based families and new in our respective communities, and Hamilton and Grimsby are about 30 minutes apart so it was easy for us to stay connected. It was then that we finally evolved our close friendship into a romantic relationship. We married in 1991 and have been going strong ever since.

What have been the biggest keys to success in your relationship?

Our personalities are very different — Sharon is gentle, patient, kind and understanding, which I value deeply. That’s a big part of what attracts me to her. For her, I guess she appreciates my ability to stay focused and determined and to always strive to be the best person I can be, to never give up. We are both perfectionists, so we encourage each other to always be our best selves.

What about in your respective careers?

We both struggled to find work in our fields once we completed our residencies as there were few opportunities at that time. I was very fortunate that a former colleague from Hamilton suggested I investigate a job opportunity at the West Lincoln Memorial Hospital in Grimsby. Coming from Toronto and Hong Kong before that, I always thought of myself as a big city guy so Grimsby wasn’t on my radar at all. But then I met the other internist at the hospital, Dr. Jonathan Ginsburg, and we clicked instantly. I ended up falling in love with the hospital, my job and the local community. It’s been satisfying beyond my wildest dreams and my career in Grimsby stretched to almost 35 years until my recent retirement.

Sharon moved in with me after she completed her training but couldn’t find a suitable position in infectious disease/medical microbiology, so she returned to U of T to pursue her PhD. That was a difficult time for her — commuting to Toronto, and then to Mississauga for a part-time clinical job, and then home to Grimsby. She ended up not pursuing an academic career and instead reinvented herself yet again as an echocardiographer, which she did for 10 years before she retired.

I think because we both worked hard and never gave up and encouraged and supported each other along the way, eventually we were each able to find rewarding career paths.

You celebrated the 40th anniversary of your graduation from the MD Program this year.  Tell us about your reunion.

I had gone to our 25th anniversary reunion and I really enjoyed it, and I think it’s important to stay in touch as much as possible, so I was excited to attend this year. It was very special – one of my classmates had written a song and performed it on his guitar as a tribute to the class, which was wonderful.

You and Sharon also celebrated this milestone by funding an award. What inspired you to do this?

This is the third award we have created together. Several years ago we set up two other awards in honour of our parents to support undergraduate students in the Faculty of Arts & Science, since that was the first step in our educational journey. My parents inspired me to pursue a career in medicine, and Sharon and I both felt our parents were essential in helping us achieve our goals and realize our dreams. As a U of T student I received several scholarships, and I will never forget the kindness of the donors who funded that support. I hope I can inspire other people to give back in the same way.

What are your words of wisdom for couples who want to pursue careers in medicine?

I would tell them don’t put yourself first. It's very important that you each have your own space and time and do what you can to help each other achieve goals. Let your partner fulfill their dreams as much as possible, as you would want your own dreams to be fulfilled. Sometimes it’s hard to find jobs in the same region. Sometimes it takes a few different tries before finding a job that’s fulfilling and a good fit. It’s important to respect each other’s ambitions, even if they don’t completely match your plans for each other as a couple.